A couple of nights ago I dreamt that I was sitting on top of a picnic table under a huge oak tree. I looked up to see a great horned owl perched on a branch high above me. I thought I saw another bird flying behind it, but I couldn’t make it out. And then, a fluffy little owlet coasted down, landed on my shoulder, and snuggled against my neck. Ooo! I felt honored to be a safe harbor for the little owl, but I was worried the adult would be upset with me. I imagined its talons grabbing my shoulder and piercing my skin. Ouch! But instead, the big owl swooped across us as if to say, “It’s okay, I trust you.” So I felt twice honored. I was a friend and protector to the owl. Lucky me!
I made this Halloween mask out of a bubble mailer the next day. Hoot! Hoot! I wore it to surprise my classmates at a zoom class today. The teacher said, “It’s funny what we’ll come up with when we’re bored.” Something like that–a tad dismissive. Dude! I didn’t make it because I was bored! I made it because I was inspired. And because it’s Halloween.
Later in class he spoke of the tendency of Indigenous peoples to honor their elders, whereas, in contemporary business-as-usual America, old people are dismissed as out-of-date, out-of-touch, and just plain undesirable. Like, why don’t you just go ahead and die already.
I’ve been able to remain in denial about my age until last night when I got a BIG shock. I swam for forty-five minutes at the gym and felt great. After showering and dressing I had to walk toward a huge full-length mirror before turning to leave. I stopped there looking at myself, leaning on my cane, wearing a frumpy, droopy, sleeveless dress (that fit when I was 90 lbs heavier), black plastic scuff sandals, and carrying my wet suit in my “gym bag”: a tote I got at the library. I couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh, Shit! I’m old!” Yep, there’s no doubt about it. But it was more than my accessories that aged me. Before I lost all that weight, for which I’m extremely grateful, people remarked on how young I looked for my age. I thought I was lucky that way, but it turns out it was fat that filled out any wrinkles I might have had. Now, without that puffy filler, my entire envelope of skin is flaccid. It droops from gravity when I’m still and wobbles and flaps around when I move. Although I look as if my body is deflated by a third, thankfully my spirit is not. I’m an old lady owl now, but I still feel like a fluffy owlet!
And I need some new clothes that fit!